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WPC Book Club
The Price Of Privilege
Part 4 Discussion Questions
March 13, 2008
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1. “The culture of affluence
that surrounds us, the values it promotes and prizes—poses particular
challenges for the reflective parent.
Just as our children are having difficulty getting their most
pressing needs met in this culture, so are their parents.” Pg. 170
Do parents delay
seeking a therapist or counselor for themselves generally? Comments
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2. “List of “common costs found in the culture of
affluence” p. 170-171
Did this help identify
some of your own needs and clarify the direction your family is heading
in? Would it be helpful to publicize
this in school newsletters/Porter along with lists of mental health
resources?
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3. “Trust them (your instincts) especially when you are being
pressured…some of the most important changes in community come about
when thoughtful people get involved.” p. 173
Do we
feel that our schools are good and can/should take care of all our
child’s needs vs volunteer, get to know our
child’s friends and their parents,
even when the older child no longer wants parent at school,
socialize with their friends when at your house? Do we remind our kids to trust their
instincts?
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4. “…excessive
pressure, isolation from adults, inappropriate intrusion, controlling
behavior, lax discipline have all found a home in affluent communities” p. 173
What
challenges are we personally faced with regarding the differing styles of
discipline utilized in the diverse ethnic groups represented in Westlake esp in neighborhoods,
at the pool, etc?
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5. “…we
…need to work at creating the kind of community we want to be part
of. …Model involvement for
your kids. It teaches them to be
aware of and value the needs of others, and it helps you to feel connected
and involved in your own community.” p. 174
Suggestions
on finding a balance between healthy involvement and over involvement at
the expense of family. Any
opportunities for family service in community that you’ve enjoyed?
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6. “ When we
make…mistakes, it is imperative that we apologize to our kids, explain
ourselves, model that while no one is perfect, we can strive for emotional
honesty and integrity” p. 177
How
often do we humble ourselves to do this vs. minimizing our errors related
to “the pressures of parenting”?
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7. “Not good
enough”. …what is expected
by many parents in affluent communities is not a personal best but the
absolute best.” p.
179
Comments
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8. “So when does
perfectionism that is useful slide into the kind of maladaptive
perfectionism that is strongly linked not only to depression but to a host
of serious emotional problems—eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive
disorders, psychosomatic disorders and, most disturbingly, suicide?” p. 180
What
are some of the warning signs r/t eating disorders to act on? Treatment options for eating disorders and
funding available?
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9. “…how we help
our children learn the art of living: by encouraging them, to take pleasure
from their efforts and successes and to tolerate their limitations.” p. 181
Again,
does society promote the notion that you should have no limitations in
life-you deserve it all?
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10. “When we push for
excellence and achievement, it is because we believe that in the long run,
our kids will be happier.” p. 182
How
often is the intent correct but the outcome less than optimal in parenting?
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11. “…when we insist
that our children be gratified by the same things that have gratified us,
then we limit the roads they can travel on, roads that may be closer to
their own hearts” p. 182-3
Aren’t
we responsible to help them discern their talents/strengths? How can this
be done while incorporating their inner longings?
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12. “The misuse of power
in affluent families is pervasive and troubling. …we need to be particularly
sensitive to cultivating fairness and justice, not arrogance and a
willingness to exploit.” p. 187
How
often do we/our kids use their power to obtain the teacher wanted for the
upcoming year or in interactions with community helpers?
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13. “Value good citizenship
as much as academic excellence”. p. 189
Comment
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14. “Bullying and
manipulation feed off indifference of the community” p. 190
Are we
ever reluctant to act, not indifferent, out of fear of being rejected or
labeled ie racist?
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15. “Being a single
parent is difficulty, trying to manage a blended family is difficult, and , yes, marriage is also difficult. But whatever our difficulties may be, we
need to make the compromises that we can live with and address the issues
we can’t live with.” p. 193
Are
many of the kids that are living double lives witnesses to parents whose
lives are inauthentic and filled with unhealthy compromises made to keep
the status quo humming vs seeking change because
of the fear it will result in ruptures and divorce?
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16. “Moms who appropriately share some of their
difficulties can help model resilience, active approaches to problem
solving, and compassion for oneself.” p. 207
Isn’t
the same true of Dad’s?
Disproportionate focus on Mom’s?
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17. “We cannot parent effectively when we are
depressed and equally important, we cannot live our own lives with
enthusiasm and purpose. With the
advances in treatment of depression, medication, psychotherapy and
cognitive-behavioral therapy, the chances of a good treatment outcome for
depression are high.” p. 212
Knowing
the risks of untreated parental depression on children now, are you more
inclined to initiate conversations with friends/relatives when you see the
warning signs of depression?
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18. “…it was
reassuring to find that social science research spoke with one voice in
debunking the myth that a mother’s work status is an important variable
in her child’s emotional development.” p. 215
What
preconceived notions do we hold regarding the stay at home mom, the latch
key kid or the working mom? How can
a mix of these talents enrich our community vs
divide it?
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19. “What is beneficial
is time that is spent in healthy and satisfying interaction.” p. 216
Comments
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20. “…How do we
find the balance between our children’s needs and our own needs so
that we can be both effective mothers and fulfilled, happy women?“
p. 218
What
has worked for you? What hasn’t or has frustrated you?
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